We’re lonelier than ever. That part we agree on.
Loneliness is not just a social problem. It’s a public health crisis.
In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community, warning that a lack of connection is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.¹ Loneliness increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, anxiety, and depression. And yet, despite more awareness, more therapy, and more mental health content than ever before, people are still feeling alone.
WHY?
Because the way we’re trying to heal it isn’t working. It appears that the focus is more on labeling and meeting criteria than on moving forward with genuine solutions, honoring ourselves, and fostering personal responsibility.
Loneliness isn’t always about being alone. It’s often about being disconnected from yourself while being surrounded by people who don’t really see you.
As a therapist-turned-life coach, I’ve sat with women who feel empty in crowded rooms. They have the job. The partner. The kids. The full calendar. And yet, they feel lonely. Not because they need more social plans or apps to find “their people”, but because the way we talk about loneliness (and treat it) misses the root of the problem.
THE CONVENTIONAL MENTAL HEALTH INDUSTRY KEEPS PEOPLE STUCK
I have unconventional beliefs about mental health (especially as a therapist). We keep talking, analyzing, and diagnosing — but not moving. I believe the mental health industry, in its current model, though well-meaning, can sometimes keep people trapped in their pain.
The prevailing model says:
“Talk it out, label it. Trace it back to childhood.”
And yes, awareness matters. However, awareness without action can lead to emotional stagnation. Awareness without personal responsibility is self-abandonment disguised as insight.
Research from the American Psychological Association shows that while talk therapy is effective in reducing symptoms, long-term healing often requires behavior change, somatic work, and nervous system regulation, NOT just cognitive insight.²
And yet, I’ve seen too many women sit in years of therapy, looping the same stories without actually changing their lives.
We need more embodied healing. We need more coaching that activates!!
We need to stop treating loneliness like a clinical condition and start seeing it as a soul signal.
Mental health professionals often frame loneliness as a symptom of depression, social anxiety, or trauma. And while there may be some truth in that, we’ve built a culture where the solution is to dwell in the wound endlessly. We keep looking backward, hoping insight will spark change. But insight without action doesn’t heal, nor does it make us feel more connected.
Loneliness isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a signal. A deep, wise signal that says:
“I’m not fully alive in the life I’ve built.”
“I’ve abandoned myself to belong.”
“I’m craving realness, not just company,”… and so much more!
Check-in with yourself by asking these three questions:
- Am I telling the truth in my relationships?
- Am I expressing what I truly need?
- Am I living in alignment with my values or someone else’s script?
WHY SO MANY PEOPLE FEEL ALONE IN THEIR OWN LIVES
If you’re a high-functioning, emotionally intelligent person, you might look like you have it all together. But behind closed doors, you’re exhausted from being the caretaker, the overthinker, the doer, the magic maker, etc. You’ve become the version of yourself everyone else needs: your boss, your kids, your partner, your clients. But not the version you actually want to be.
And that’s where the loneliness creeps in.
It’s not that you need more people. You need yourself back. You need relationships that meet you where you really are. You need spaces where you can be both messy and magical. You need conversations that go beyond “How are you?” and into “Who are you becoming?” And “what’s lighting you up right now?”
SO, WHAT HEALS LONELINESS?
Not more pathologizing.
Not one more podcast about attachment styles.
Not another decade in therapy without taking risks.
Not another course promising a “fix.”
What heals loneliness is a connection that requires your whole self to show up. This includes:
- Learning to speak your truth, even when your voice shakes
- Creating environments where you’re not performing, fixing, or shrinking
- Choosing aligned relationships, not convenient ones
- Being witnessed in your power, not just your pain
MY INVITATION TO YOU
Loneliness doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It may mean you’re in a season of shedding. You’re noticing where you’ve been over-performing and under-connecting. You’re craving more than surface-level wellness tips or venting sessions. You want real transformation.
If you’ve outgrown traditional healing methods and are ready to take ownership of your life, then this work is for you. Not because I have the answers, but because YOU DO! Find someone willing to hold space for your truth and challenge the narratives that have kept you small.
Because when you’re deeply connected to yourself, loneliness can’t stay long, I promise!
Kaitlynn Norwood, LCSW
Certified Life Coach
hello@kaitlynnnorwood.com
www.kaitlynnnorwood.net
Sources:
- U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection (2023)
- American Psychological Association, “Beyond Talk Therapy: Innovations in Mental Health” (2021)