The first few weeks of college are honestly overwhelming, even for the students who appear 100% ready to get there and start a new adventure. The wildly conflicting emotions are confusing: how can I feel so excited yet so deeply uncomfortable at the same time? You (or your child) might be feeling this surge of unexpected discomfort, and you are totally normal if you are.
As a Life Coach for College Girls, I provide support for girls who are right in the middle of this transition. Accepting the reality that managing these first few weeks might not be what you planned for is a critical step for a successful semester.
Here are the truths (always delivered with love) that you need to hear.
1. YOU BROUGHT AN ENEMY WITH YOU TO CAMPUS
You are on campus with an enemy. And, that enemy is your cell phone. I know, I know. This is not what you want to hear. Your phone will do two things to you: it will isolate you and it will steal your joy. Rotting on your bed while scrolling keeps you away from other people, and you are essentially isolating yourself. You are also probably watching reels and snap stories that are making you feel less than or completely left out. Scrolling will literally usurp all inklings of hope to connect with others and will have you thinking you are alone and not good enough.
The good news is that you can control this. Get curious about your phone usage (don’t shame yourself–that never works out) and pay attention to your usage metrics. The evidence is right there, and your next step is to limit your access. Also, if you grab your phone when you feel uncomfortable, then fight that urge and keep it in your pocket. Be present with your life and take in your new surroundings fully aware. You can ease your way in: you don’t have to interact all the time. Simply observing and listening will help your nervous system adjust to the changes.
2. GET OUT OF YOUR DORM ROOM
Your room is NOT where you should be most of the time. Yes, you’ll sleep there and get ready there and eat some meals there, but it cannot be your only space to exist other than class. Spending time alone can really detach you and make you forget how to be around other people. The problem is that you are going to WANT to be in your room because it’s where your stuff is and it’s safe. The lure is real.
The only way to not spend all of your non-class time in your dorm room is to GET OUT! After class, do not go back to your room. Instead, find a third space that is welcoming, comfortable, and fits your needs. Some students love the library, others love coffee shops, some love common spaces in dorms, and others prefer sitting on a blanket outside. Wherever you choose, make sure you report there after class and do not go straight back to your room. During this time, you can eat, review your notes from class, prepare for upcoming lectures, and enjoy your surroundings. This one shift in your daily routine will keep you connected to campus and will show you how much energy and life is outside of the four walls of your room. Also, getting involved in a club or organization on campus that actually has requirements is a gamechanger. Some clubs are just sign-ups, so you need to join one that requires attendance and participation.
3. FINDING YOUR PEOPLE CAN TAKE LONGER THAN YOU PLANNED
Finding your people takes time and doesn’t happen over night. Social media will attempt to tell you otherwise, but don’t fall for the lies. Nobody immediately gets huge friend groups the first few weeks (if they do, it’s usually because they’re all from the same high school or hometown–how boring!)
You will meet many people who will NOT be your besties, and this is normal, expected, and in my opinion, the best part of college. During the first few weeks, you’ll meet randoms that will end up joining you for many activities to include meals, walks to class, and hanging out in each others’ rooms. I call these Band-Aid Friends. You’ll quickly get close to these friends who have the same role as a Band-Aid: they temporarily cover a tender spot (your tender spot is being freshly removed from your hometown and feeling quite alone) and they serve the purpose of helping you until you heal. Just like Band-Aids, when you heal, you no longer need the covering. Band-Aid Friends are like this as well: when either or both of you relax more and start making other friends, your relationship might change. This is part of the process. It’s okay if you start to hang out with other people or if your Band-Aid Friend does as well. It’s natural to move away from each other. Also, sometimes Band-Aid Friends end up being forever friends, but that is rare and should not be your expectation.
Remember, your goal is CONNECTION, not perfection. When you try to find the “perfect friend,” you are missing out on so many fun, random, goofy, life-changing relationships. Think about it like this: you had lots of friends in high school that weren’t your besties. The hysterical goth girl in AP Lit, the jolly yet sarcastic lab partner in Chemistry, the cafeteria server who always smiled when she made your sub sandwich. These people count and are your community! Make easy and not-bestie friends like this in college and you’ll realize you have more connections than you think.
4. EVERYONE ELSE IS HOMESICK, TOO.
Homesickness hits every student in college at some point. Even the Seniors. Even the girls strutting around and telling summer stories with bands of friends surrounding them. Leaving home is painful. There isn’t much worse than the sinking feeling in your gut when your family drives off on drop-off day. You might feel like crying, chasing after their car, and wanting to leave immediately because you feel regret that you made the wrong decision. Sometimes homesickness strangely sneaks in weeks later when you’re least expecting it. The newness of the semester wears off, and you suddenly realize that college life is, well, just life. It’s following dull routines and studying and getting bored (which is totally not what most students expect).
And, I feel it is my duty to tell you the pain of homesickness is all because of one thing: LOVE. There is ZERO shame in loving your people, your pets, and where you come from. This sense of place rooted in love is precious, and you are lucky you love where you’re from. Missing this is simply love, so try not to shame yourself. You are not alone in feeling this way. You love your family and that’s beautiful.
5. THE CONNECTION CLOCK IS TICKING
The first several weeks of the first semester are when other students are looking for connections, too. Make the decision to put yourself out there and talk to people while everyone else is looking. This time has an openness that won’t be available at the same level in a couple months. Dr. Julie Smith in Open When suggests that you become the “Welcomer,” and I love this concept. Being the “Welcomer” means, instead of waiting for someone else to say the first thing, YOU do it. YOU take the responsibility and take one for the team. You can be the “Welcomer” by simply stating something funny about the situation you’re in, give someone a compliment, or ask someone where they are from. As the “Welcomer,” you are breaking the ice and being the brave one. Imagine if every person on campus was waiting on someone else to make a connection. That would be one awkward and silent campus! Be brave. EVERYone is awkward at this time. You aren’t alone. When in doubt, give someone a compliment. It’s kind and creates instant connection.
YET, YOU CAN DO THIS!
My favorite piece of advice for college freshmen is to commit to this constant mantra: “I am finding my place here.” This beautiful statement tells your brain to look for ways you DO belong, instead of ways you don’t. Your brain looks for evidence to prove what you tell it, so telling yourself repeatedly “I am finding my place here” puts your brain on high alert for positive interactions. You’ll notice opportunities for connection and acceptance. Go ahead and put this mantra in your notes app and refer to it often. Write it on sticky notes and put these on your mirror and in your calendar. Make it the first and last thing you see every day. “I am finding my place here” will support you during times of doubt, and you WILL find your place. You’re stronger than you think you are, and I’ve always got your back.
Suzanne Hanna, Ed.S.
Life Coach for College Girls
Follow me @suzannehannacoaching
Visit my website www.suzannehannacoaching.com
Copyright 2026 | All Rights Reserved | Suzanne Hanna Coaching LLC