May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a time when we talk more openly about anxiety, stress, burnout, and emotional well-being. But awareness is not only about naming what we feel; it also involves understanding how our minds work.
In my new book, When Life Happens, I explore how our thinking shapes how we experience the world. One of the core ideas I return to is this:
“Stress is going to happen… but it’s about how we interpret the stress that matters. And that interpretation begins with our thoughts.” (When Life Happens, chapter 2)
Stress is inevitable. It shows up in relationships, work, parenting, health, and even in moments that are supposed to feel joyful. What shapes how we experience stress isn’t just the event itself, but the meaning our mind gives to it.
That idea is central to cognitive behavioral therapy. Our thoughts, feelings, and actions are closely linked. The way we think impacts how we feel, and how we feel influences what we do next.
When we start to understand this relationship, something changes. We realize that many of the struggles we face are not caused solely by circumstances, but also by the interpretations quietly operating in the background.
THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS
One of the simplest but most powerful reminders I give clients is this:
“Thoughts are not facts.” (When Life Happens)
Thoughts can seem convincing. They can seem urgent. They can seem completely true. But feelings are not evidence.
Our brains are wired for survival. Their main role is to keep us safe, not to keep us calm or confident. In modern life, the threats we face are often social or emotional instead of physical. A critical comment. A missed opportunity. A text that goes unanswered.
The brain reacts anyway.
Over time, this leads to automatic thinking patterns called cognitive distortions. These are mental shortcuts. They once helped humans react quickly to danger. Today, they often misfire.
Having distorted thoughts does not mean something is wrong with you. It means you have a human brain.
COMMON THINKING TRAPS (also referred to as ‘Unhelpful Thoughts’ in my book)
Here are some of the most common patterns I see in clinical practice.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
You either succeed or fail.
You are either disciplined or lazy.
You are either perfect or a disappointment.
Real life isn't usually that extreme. But when we see things in black and white, we prevent ourselves from growing.
Overgeneralization
One mistake turns into “I always mess things up.”
One rejection turns into “This will never work.”
Our brains look for patterns. Sometimes they form them too quickly.
Jumping to Conclusions
You assume you understand what someone else is thinking.
You anticipate a negative result before anything has actually occurred.
Your body responds as if the threat is real, even when the evidence is thin.
“Should” Statements
I should be doing more.
I shouldn’t feel this way.
I should have handled that better.
These rigid rules often lead to guilt and shame, not change.
Discounting the Positive
You dismiss compliments.
You downplay achievements.
You credit luck instead of effort.
Over time, this erodes confidence and reinforces self-doubt.
AWARENESS IS WHERE CHANGE BEGINS
Mental Health Awareness Month is not just about reducing stigma; it's also about building skills. You do not have to immediately fix every unhelpful thought you have.
Start by noticing it.
Write it down.
Name the pattern.
Ask yourself what evidence supports it and what evidence challenges it.
That pause creates space. And in that space, you gain choice.
You might not control every thought that comes into your mind. But you can choose which ones to nurture, question, or let pass gently.
This month, and every month, caring for your mental health involves learning to step back from your thoughts instead of automatically accepting them.
Sometimes the greatest change isn't in your circumstances.
It is transforming your relationship with your mind.
Dr. Rachel Goldman, PhD
Author of When Life Happens
Follow me @drrachelnyc